Is That A Cannon Ball In Your Shorts, Or Are You Just Unhappy To See Me?

[From Michael Gates]

The dwarves on the West frontier were getting a little uppity -- tryin' to walk TALL and all that, hur hur hur -- so I decided it was time to go talk to 'em, you know, DISCUSS the matter. I brought a few friends... there's some bad people out there, an orc needs his friends, right?

First, we brought along some o'them shiny cannon thingies. We had half-a-dozen or so, that we'd, urrr, found. I also raised the Goblin wolfrider levies -- didn't want to leave them home to raise trouble. Of course, you can't have a fight without the Really Really Pig Man along, and I brought a couple'a nifty airboat things we, uuuhhh, liberated from some traders. Oh, and I brought the Wiz.

1 general attached to BW
1 Wizard attached to BW
1 hero on the giant boar
1 large monster giant boar
2 flying battlewagons airboats
6 heavy artillery 2 cannon and 4 indirect-fire -- mortars!
Light cav to fill it out to 1000 points.>

We didn't get too far into the dwarves' hills before they showed up with whatever they could scrape together. They had some axemen, some crossbows -- them Dwarf crossbowmen are slow, but they hit hard -- a giant, a couple of things we couldn't really see 'cos they was underground, and their general had somehow caught himself a wyvern to ride on. Some of the axemen were carrying what looked like treasure chests -- ain't that just like a dwarf, hates to be away from his gold so much he even hauls it into battle. They had some kinda thingy made of timbers back behind their battle line -- the Pig Man said maybe they'd brought a spit for us to roast 'em on later!

1 General on flying LM, with magic ward
1 cleric with magic ward
1 catapult
1 large monster the giant
2 burrowing small monsters Ral Partha bulettes
2 "slave" units the treasure chests
  heavy Xbows



Soon as we got close enough to be fightin', something wierd happened. One of the guys in the middle of the axemen started howlin' and chantin', and some of that gold they were hauling around just sorta glowed and disappeared! Then the airboat with the Wiz on it just sort of came apart -- he barely got himself over to my boat before it all went to bits. All of their guys, 'cept the bunch that was with the howlin' guy, started moving up. Drat those Sacrifice spells anyway. Andrew flew his general+LM right up next to my battle line, WAY out in front of his other units. He left his giant behind the infantry -- didn't want me targeting it with cannon!

Well, I didn't want my other airboat gettin' disintergated, so I told the mortar boys to squish that little howlin' guy! They got the range right, and ya know? When you hit dwarves with mortar shells, they just kinda fly around. Don't come apart nearly as good as humans. But I guess it's okay, they end up just as dead.

Artillery fire managed a kill on the unit with the cleric and a double-d, in the first turn -- some VERY lucky rolling there. This, along with Andrew failing the character results roll, pretty much won things -- Andrew's noted the problems involved with losing your spellcaster early on the Chipco mailing list.

Most of the wolfriders ran up to juuuust outside bow range -- DON'T get too close to those dwarf crossbows, boys! The Pig Man kinda went along with the wolfies. Seein' as how that dwarf general had come to visit, it seemed all nice and polite to go and say hello, so me & Wiz did that, up close like. We brought along some friends, and their wolves. He didn't seem too happy to see us.

The remaining BW, with general and wizard aboard, charged the dwarf general, and brought along an LC unit to get a flank bonus. There were some questions... see below. Anyway, combat was less than decisive -- I don't even remember who got demoralized.

The dwarf infantry pretty much stopped -- they didn't want to get shot up any more than my wolf boys did. Those underground things split up, one headed for each of my artillery batteries! That dwarf general and I kept each other busy.

Those gun crew did it again! They tore up another one of the dwarves' axe units. Sure is funny, watchin' em bounce around -- too bad I was busy with that wyvern and the guy on it, so I couldn't really look.

The Pig Man turned around and headed for one of the underground guys -- he'd come up soon enough. The wolfies pretty much waited around -- if the dwarves come in range, they get to shoot 'em; if they don't, the MORTARS get to. It's all blood to me.

The underground things got to my guns. They turned out to be big toothy things. The one nearest the Pig Man ate a gun crew; Wiz flew the other battery away, right out from under the other one's nose! The dwarves couldn't take any more, so they walked up into bow range. Well, okay, if you really WANT to get poked fulla little holes.... Their giant finally came out from behind those dwarves.

Giant shouldn'a done that; he got squished by mortar bombs.

Pig Man got to the one toothy thing and pounded it some, and I FINALLY managed to kill that stupid wyvern -- didn't get the general, tho. He scarpered off into a bunch of crossbowmen. Wiz confoozled the other toothy thing with a spell; it ran right off the battlefield!

The one toothy thing didn't like being pounded, so it dug its way back underground and headed toward home. Since Pig Man looked kinda sad not to have anything to play with, I had Wiz fly him onto some crossbowmen. Then he didn't look so sad, 'cos he had dwarves to pound. Pig Man likes dwarves.

Pretty much everything after that was mop-up. Those mortar guys killed ANOTHER thing -- that "roasting spit" turned out to be a catapult, at least until it turned out to be splinters -- Pig Man got to kill some dwarves, and I got to finish off a toothy thing. Toothy things aren't all that good roasted, but dwarves is just fine, with a little salt.


A couple of things came up during the battle -- it seems that a couple of things come up during EVERY battle. If I use the wizardly Fly spell to move a ground unit into contact with a unit that gets a bonus "vs. fliers", do they get the bonus?

[Curtis] We would rule he could not contact (the unit has to end up somewhere it can be).

What DOES happen if I target five bow units at a single unit? I seem to recall somebody saying "just extrapolate the table," but I don't remember who or when, and I can't find it written down anywhere.

[Curtis] Fire as four and one, or as two and three. No extrapalolations.

[Andrew Gross] If 2 flying monsters are engaged with one another in combat while flying, can one of them get flank and rear bonuses by having NON-flying units take the flank and rear of the other?

[Curtis] NO (unless they are specials and can contact fliers).


So much for artillery being worthless. It wouldn't work against the all-flying army, or the all-burrowing army, or even the all-small-monster army jnmhkb huygjbnmhkkkkkklkm ,jnnnfgvc tygfhvckl.,/m njkhgfcx


Copyright © 1999 by Samuel Reynolds. All rights reserved. Last modified 1998/09/30.
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